Meant to Be
by theladymerlin
Summary: Xander makes a confession


He sat on the wool tartan blanket and looked out over the loch. The cool evening breeze ruffled his hair and caused small shivers to occasionally shake his otherwise still frame. He considered going back inside the hotel but that would mean facing Spike. Facing Spike meant facing the things he'd said to the vampire. Acknowledging it and confirming to them both that he had meant every miserable, stupid word which had come falling out of his mouth. He simply wasn't ready to do that yet. He briefly considered hiding out in the dining room but you could only linger over an empty plate for so long before starting to attract attention. The pub was out as well. If there was one place Spike would be able to find him, it would be there.

So here he sat. Alone and miserable. Feeling all kinds of foolish and wondering why the hell he had gone to Dawn, of all the people in his life, for advice. Any sensible person would have listened to her, smiled, and then walked away to find someone more level-headed.

He sighed heavily and hung his head. It had seemed like a good idea at the time. I mean, Dawn knew Spike best. Right? She had insisted Spike was probably oblivious and had absolutely no clue. Xander had been making passes and dropping subtle hints for weeks so it had made sense when she went on to insist Spike would need to be hit over the head with the facts before he noticed. They spent the following hours planning and plotting Xander's next move. Dawn was surprisingly good at subterfuge. He really needed to remember she wasn't that gangly teenager who used to stamp about the house and screech at the top of her lungs. So they put their heads together and came up with Plan Snag the Spike. Hey! Dawn came up with the code name. Nothing to do with the Xanman.

It had been easy to persuade Giles to give them a mission on the secluded loch in Scotland. Only one hotel for miles and the remains of a castle near the water's edge. The hotel was quaint and had an attached pub. The place was quiet with a big moon hanging low in the sky. Perfect. And it had been. Right up until the time Xander declared he was head over heels in love with Spike.

He closed his eyes and remembered the shocked look on the vampire's face. The way those pink, perfect lips dropped open and closed repeatedly with no sound coming out. Eyes bluer than a blue sky went round with surprise before narrowing. That's when Xander had made his escape. He knew that look and didn't want to be on the receiving end of any of the vampire's snide remarks. Now? Now he sat here all alone and feeling sorry for himself. He picked up a small stone near his foot and rubbed his fingers over the smooth surface while trying to decide how long he could remain outside in the cold before coming down with hypothermia.

"Fucking idiot," he cursed, throwing the rock into the loch and watching the splash with satisfaction. The stone sunk from sight almost as quickly as his chances with Spike.

"Yeah. That sounds about right."

Xander started and turned to see Spike standing behind him. "Mind?" Spike asked gesturing with a hand to the empty space on the blanket next to Xander.

"Uhm." Great. Real intelligent. Thankfully Spike seemed to take it as an invitation.

"Thanks mate," Spike said dropping down close enough so their shoulders brushed.

If Xander could have felt anything except miserable at this moment, he would've been in heaven. Spike. Relaxing next to him on a romantic evening with the soft sound of lapping waves from the loch. Yeah, it could have been perfect if Xander hadn't screwed it up earlier with his big mouth and saying things better left unsaid. He sighed and refused to look over at the vampire who kept bumping their shoulder's together.

"C'mon Xander. Look at me."

Xander? Not Harris or one of those funny British type names Spike seemed so fond of but Xander? Xander couldn't resist. He slowly turned his head and met surprisingly gentle blue eyes. Eyes not filled with mockery or anger or any of the things Xander had expected. He relaxed a bit. "I'm sorry. For what I said earlier."

Spike appeared hurt. "What? You takin' it back? Didn't mean it?"

Even if he never got to have a chance with Spike, he couldn't stand the hurt on the expressive face and it forced a unexpected honesty from him. "No! No. I meant every word. I'm sorry if it upset you or grossed you out because I'm a guy or whatever. And I understand if you never want to see me again but I really wish you would because I really like hanging out with you even if it's only friends. And we could do that couldn't we? Be friends? I know I said I was in love with you and I am but I would underst- hmph. Mmmmm" Xander closed his eyes and melted as lips pressed against his own. He swayed into the strong chest as he was swept away by a kiss he had dreamed of for months. It was better then he had ever imagined. He whimpered when Spike pulled away.

"That's better. You and Red," Spike said with a grin. "Don't know how you two can manage to spout such a load of nonsense so fast. I want you to listen now. Can you manage that?"

Xander nodded not caring about the stupid, sappy grin on his face. His lips were still tingling.

"Right then. I admit ya took me by surprise there. Doesn't happen often any more. Kinda like it actually and I kinda like you too so we can try. See where it goes, yeah?"

"Yeah," Xander replied, leaning companionably against the vampire's shoulder. "Can we kiss some more now?"

A young woman turned away from the sight of the two men kissing and headed back to the hotel. "Always been meant for each other and I knew it all along," Dawn said with a happy, satisfied, little smile as she opened the door and disappeared inside.

~ Mòran taing ~


End file.
